- Vancouver is the only city where everyone’s broke, high, and still judging your lifestyle choices.
- Vancouver rent is so high even the cocaine has roommates.
- People in Vancouver don’t say “hello,” they say “what do you do for work and why isn’t it crypto?”
- Vancouver dating is just two people pretending they don’t live in a one-bedroom with four strangers.
- The city smells like weed, ocean air, and unresolved commitment issues.
- Vancouver has more glass towers than emotional transparency.
- Everyone in Vancouver is either a yogi, a dealer, or lying about one of those.
- Vancouver drivers will stop for a goose but mow down your soul in a merge.
- Vancouver is where people ghost you after sleeping with you because “the vibes changed.”
- It rains so much in Vancouver even the condoms are damp.
- Vancouver gyms are just fashion shows with bad lighting and worse personalities.
- Everyone here “works in tech” but can’t afford lunch.
- Vancouver’s idea of foreplay is talking about real estate.
- The city has more fake tits than affordable housing units.
- Vancouver weed is legal, but emotional honesty is still criminalized.
- People say Vancouver is laid back, but try touching someone’s Patagonia jacket.
- Vancouver men will talk about their startup longer than they’ll last in bed.
- Vancouver women can smell red flags faster than rain.
- The only thing wetter than Vancouver weather is the passive aggression.
- Vancouver nightlife ends at 10 p.m. because everyone’s tired and mildly disappointed.
- Everyone’s “outdoorsy” but somehow never leaves the brewery patio.
- Vancouver brunch costs $42 and still doesn’t fix your life.
- Vancouver is where people say “no pressure” and mean “I will judge you forever.”
- The city has more open relationships than open parking spots.
- Vancouver folks will shame you for plastic straws while doing blow off a bathroom sink.
- The ocean is beautiful, cold, and emotionally unavailable — just like everyone here.
- Vancouver has more wellness coaches than well people.
- People in Vancouver hate small talk but will overshare trauma on the first date.
- Vancouver Tinder bios are just astrology signs and commitment avoidance.
- The rain isn’t depressing — the dating scene is.
- Vancouver is the only place where a $3,000 apartment still smells like mildew and regret.
- Everyone’s “working on themselves” but can’t return a text.
- Vancouver traffic turns nice people into absolute assholes in under five minutes.
- The city is gorgeous, expensive, and emotionally exhausting — like a toxic ex.
- Vancouver is where people preach mindfulness while losing their shit over parking.
- You don’t break up in Vancouver — you “fade out.”
- Vancouver parties peak at 9:47 p.m. and end with herbal tea.
- Everyone claims they’re chill, but nobody can take a joke.
- Vancouver has more therapy speak than actual growth.
- The city is proof that beautiful surroundings don’t fix ugly personalities.
